Why do I do this, you ask?
Because: vampire, obviously. What else would I do?
Lord Fang is a complicated man. The only son of the ancient Fang Dynasty, Lord Fang was ironically the only member of his house to embrace vampirism.
And he loved it. The Midnight Mountains were the perfect place for the reclusive lord, and never needing to sleep allowed for long walks in his lonely castle, and many, many thousands of hours of productive brooding.
And then those cursed Arcadians set the skies in motion, and ruined everything!
Now that he's seized their city and covered the lands in eternal darkness, he can get right back to pacing and brooding. If only those pesky heroes would keep their invasions down to a low roar...
Sister Of Pain
"It'll only hurt a little. Oh, wait! I lied".
Sister Of Pleasure
"It'll only tickle a little. Oh, wait! I lied".
"No, no. Do take candle. Lit tar- gets easy to hit".
"Marauding in the morning, Marauding in the evening, Marauding at supper-time..".
"Just look at that wall! I wonder how they fit the stones together. Let's break it down and find out!"
"Two spears are better than one. Obviously. Because it's two, not one. Duh".
"Don't just maraud. Maraud in formation".
"The key is to practice with a book balanced on your horns".
"Note the bouquet, sweet like spring rain with that slight hint of copper one only gets from aged human blood".